Real relationship goals are not matching shoes and shirts.
Real relationship goals help to foster intimacy, improve communication, and offer you the freedom to be your best and highest self.
Firstly, let’s acknowledge that in your season of singleness, it can get discouraging from time to time.
Sometimes it may feel like you’ve dated for so long and have nothing to show for it.
Let’s face it, the wait can be excruciating at times when you all you want is to find the one so you can begin a new chapter of your life.
These 5 Godly Relationship goals for Christian singles will teach you how to properly have a Godly and healthy relationship that leads to marriage.
Let’s dive in…
1. Refuse to Play Wife, But be the Wife
Too many women are playing “wife”.
They’re so excited to have someone and to show off their best.
They’re willing to do anything for them so they’ll…
- Get down on one knee
- Get the proposal
- Get the ring
One of your relationship goals for this year is to be the wife, not play the wife.
Don’t go the extra mile and give a man all of you who has not shown seriousness and commitment.
Don’t make him your husband before he’s even your boyfriend.
This is easier said than done, when emotions are high. You catch yourself daydreaming and imagining what life would be like with him.
But…
He doesn’t have to see all you have to offer in one night. Let your actions not be based upon fear of whether you’re enough or you’ve done enough to keep him.
If he leaves he’ll leave, if he’ll stay he’ll stay.
Don’t be too connected to the outcome when you first meet someone. Let the chips fall where they may.
Have the self-confidence and courage to not give the milk for free but charge a premium for it.
And I’m not just talking about sex. I’m talking about washing his clothes, cooking his food, doing things that you don’t have to do while you’re enjoying the bliss of dating.
You can do these things, but don’t do it from a place of trying to prove yourself as how good a woman you are or how good a wife you’ll be.
For a deeper look at how to do this, read What Healthy Self-Worth Looks Like in a Thriving Relationship and How to See Yourself as Valuable Again.
2. Let Down the Facade That You’re Fine on Your Own
God didn’t create you for isolation.
This is the year that you stop the lie that you’re good all by yourself.
Even when God created man, he said it’s not good for man to be alone so who are you fooling?
Women who feel this way are tired of getting it wrong. Tired of things not working out.
Sick of having their time wasted and not getting closer to their goal of meeting the right one worth marrying.
The real relationship goal for them is to be in a committed relationship.
And it’s frustrating when you’re not making any strides nor progress toward your goal.
Another thing I hear a lot is women claiming they’re waiting on God for their partner or God’s timing.
Oftentimes it’s an excuse to not do the work of putting yourself out there and making the right choices.
Faith without works is dead.
Learn how to master the season you’re in and make the right choices to find the love you desire. Kiss Procrastination and Delay Goodbye.
3. Find One Example of a Godly Marriage
A lot of times growing up, we’re not exposed to things we desire to have in the future.
We’re not given any blueprint and are often times left to fend for ourselves, reverse engineering what we’ve never seen displayed.
Exposure is everything. If you’ve never seen a Godly marriage, how can you replicate it?
Maybe your parents are married, but they don’t have the kind of marriage you desire.
Maybe some couples come to mind, but you’re not in close proximity to them to see the ups and downs and ins and outs of their relationships
One of the biggest mistakes we make is doing it on our own and not asking for help, not getting direction, not getting guidance.
This is essential to your relational success.
Once again, your relationship goals have to be deeper than just finding a good match.
I encourage you to find a Godly couple that will exemplify these relationship goals, even if they’re on the internet, and study their lives and marriage very closely.
- What have they done to stay together so long?
- What have they done to stay happy all these years?
- What were their challenges?
- What advice can they give younger couples?
- What are their lessons?
Oftentimes, we don’t have these conversations.
We must ask questions and not assume people will just tell you this kind of information.
4. Know Which Man is Worth Your Time
One of the most important relationship goals you should have is knowing which men are worth your time.
The only way you’ll know this is if you’re absolutely clear on what it is you want.
My post, How to Know if a Guy is Really Interested if He’s Not Consistent- and the 3 Bold Steps to Take if He Isn’t will help you to discern who to give your time to.
Oftentimes women think they know what they want but still end up compromising for the opposite and settling.
The lonely nights, quiet house, and dreams about marriage and children often push women to settle and compromise on what they truly desire due to impatience.
They think it’s not possible, they’ve lost hope over the years, when the life they’ve desired hasn’t become tangible.
Furthermore, they end up with men who are not worth their time, and I don’t want that to be you.
Be extremely clear on what you want. In addition, what you don’t want.
Now, in order to do this, you must desire the right things to begin with.
A man with a nice car and a big house that can pay all your bills is great, but if he treats you like trash, is it really worth it?
Is it worth your happiness over the long haul to focus on sinking sand – the superficial things?
Is it worth your peace of mind and contemplating your vow and commitment to God to be with them for better or worse?
No, unfortunately, it’s not.
When focusing on men who are worth it, focus on their character, values, behaviors, habits, family life, and similar aspects.
Things of substance and depth. In addition, remember not to lean on your own understanding.
What you think you need today in a man and in a relationship may not be what you need ten years from now or even five years from now.
Learn to trust God in the process of finding the one and being open to people whom you may not normally give a chance to or date.
5. Right Now vs Right Guy
Don’t date just to date.
Don’t pick someone whom you honestly can not see yourself marrying and having children with.
Unless you see yourself with them for the next five or ten years, don’t give them a chance based on their potential.
Don’t compromise on your values or your non-negotiables.
When you meet them, they should be marriage-ready.
Not playing games, not trying to find time to squeeze you in, not figuring out what they want, not wasting your time, marriage ready.
And so should you be by the way. Don’t look for a guy who can just keep you company for right now.
Suppress your need for instant gratification and don’t just date for right now, date and choose based on the future, the long haul.
Find someone that your future self will thank you for choosing once the butterflies and sexual tension fade.
Wrapping Up
Dating is a process.
It’s fun to focus on the proposal and daydream about the wedding, but a marriage that does not end in divorce is hard work.
The relationship goals I encourage you to have are rooted in honesty and having a healthy sense of self-worth.
Lastly, know what you want, and focus on the right qualities and characteristics of the man that your future self will be thankful for.
With Love,
