There’s a lot of frustration in figuring out how to know if a guy is really interested, especially if he’s not consistent.
You’re not alone.
‘How to know if a guy is really interested’ is a question so many women ask and a very common frustration for a lot of women currently dating, including my clients.
Wouldn’t life be so much easier if men would just make their intentions clear so you wouldn’t have to be confused and in doubt all the time?
Here’s the thing. Don’t let the actions or lack of actions of someone else dictate what’s best for you, what you’ll accept, and what you put up with.
The only one who is going to advocate for you while you’re dating is you.
So you have to show up prepared knowing what you want, what you tolerate, and when to call it quits.
And in order to do that, you may want to look into Building Up a Healthy Level of Self-Worth and Start Seeing Yourself as Valuable.
Interest vs Attention
How to know if a guy is really interested starts with realizing and acknowledging the difference between interest and just attention.
A lot of women think that attention from a guy means he’s actually interested, but this is not the case.
What separates the man who is just showing you attention versus the one who is genuinely interested is the effort and time he puts in.
In contrast, let’s look at a few examples…
- Always texting vs Initiating Phone Calls and Facetime.
- You reaching out more vs Him reaching out more.
- Him asking you to go out on short notice vs Him asking you a week prior to respect your time.
- Him reaching out only 1-2x/wk vs reaching out 5-6x/wk.
The difference is in the effort, time, and energy he gives to actually pursuing you.
Value
When determining how to know if a guy is really interested consider the value he places on meeting you and getting to know you.
When a man values you and your time, he doesn’t ask you last minute to squeeze him in your plans (and neither do you btw).
He doesn’t cancel on you last minute (unless a serious dilemma becomes apparent) or even worse – does a no-call no-show.
He doesn’t rush you into being intimate with him (even if it’s kissing) –or make you feel bad if you’re not ready while neglecting how you feel.
Consider the things you value in your life.
Consider the relationships you value and how you treat those people and show up for them.
Expect the same from a potential partner.
Clarity
The most important factor to consider in how to know if a guy is really interested is to just do a quick check-in with yourself.
Ask yourself..
- Do I have clarity about what’s going on between us?
- Is there any doubt that I’m having about him?
- Do I know his intentions?
If you’ve answered no to any of these questions then there’s a great possibility that he may not be interested.
The truth is if a man sees a woman he really wants, he’s gonna go after her.
If he’s truly interested, you’ll know.
If you’re a priority, you’ll know.
There could be hundreds of reasons why he initiated contact with you but is not actually pursuing you – some include:
- He’s not even available- he’s in a relationship/situationship but thought you were attractive.
- He’s just killing time/bored.
- He just wants to see how far can he get with you.
- He’s dating multiple people in which other women he’s more interested in are dominating his time, energy, and attention.
- He doesn’t really think you’re the one and is not willing to make you a priority or be inconvenienced by you.
Listen, whatever the reason, the important thing to remember is to not try to jam a square peg in a circular hole.
That means don’t force it.
If he’s being apathetic or indifferent to you, barely giving you the time of day, don’t let it discourage you- Build Up Your Self-Confidence and take note of the next 3 steps on what to do.
Say Something
To eliminate confusion and for your own peace of mind let him know you’re interested.
Acknowledge that it’s not your responsibility to pursue him.
Also, acknowledge that his ego is fragile, and giving him a verbal green light for clarification can eliminate a lot of confusion and doubt.
Make sure there is no confusion on his end, and more importantly no excuses for him to think you’re the one who is really not interested.
Voice your expectations of consistency – in communication, in meet up’s, etc.
Give him a goal to aspire to reach.
You don’t know if the previous person he was with was emotionally unavailable and only wanted to talk twice a week and through text.
Or if he’s working on a major project in his job that’s sucking all of his time right now.
This is why I say do your due diligence. Your conscience will be clear.
Because how many times have you not asked a question? Not say something or do something and then later start to think if things could have been different if you would’ve done something differently?
You can start this conversation by just asking what he’s used to in terms of communication and consistency.
If it doesn’t match with what you desire, look for a reasonable verbalized answer from him that is clear as to why he’s not reaching out more.
See if he’s willing to adjust and change if not, skip to the last action step.
If he is willing, read the additional options and example below.
This conversation can sound like …
Acknowledge– “I love the time we spend/talk together.”
Verify- “I know you say you’re interested, and you know I’m interested in getting to know you better as well… Does that sound accurate to you? Are your feelings still the same?”
Expectation-(seeing that he says yes) Remember that no one likes to be told what to do. You can say something like, “When I’m getting to know someone I appreciate consistent contact maybe 4-5 days/wk. It makes me feel like the person’s actually interested and emotionally safe.”
P.S. – To get out of your own mind and actually have this conversation, read the 4 Compelling Secrets to Quiet the Mind Instantly.
This will help you stop if you’re overthinking and not used to having critical conversations.
Walk Away
Lastly, if you’ve made your expectations known as well as ensuring he knows you’re interested and there is no change in consistency, he’s not interested sis.
Not to the level of your desire anyway.
And you don’t need anyone who’s half in and half out – I’m sure you desire commitment and you deserve it.
So what’s the takeaway – Let’s recap…
How to know if a guy is really interested in you requires you to look at 3 things:
One, does he see you as valuable?
Two, is he putting in the effort to pursue you? and
Three, do you feel confused and doubtful, second-guessing yourself?
What do you do if it seems like he’s not interested although he says he is?
Save his ego, make it clear you’re interested.
Give him a goal to work towards – and if all previous options fail, walk away.
Until Next Time,
