It’s easy to get caught up on your partner’s flaws but at the same time stick around hoping that maybe they will change.
That somehow they will grow into that better version of themselves where they will know better, do better, and ultimately be better.
A few truths to consider…
We all have our flaws.
Without a doubt, you will be a totally different person ten years from now and so will your partner (with or without you).
Life is not stagnant, change is inevitable. Most of us will change for the better.
But I want to talk to those of you who fear your partner will never change in your relationship.
Maybe it’s a habit that they struggle with, maybe it’s a mindset, maybe it’s the inability for them to be honest with you or communicate transparently with you.
Maybe you feel they don’t have enough ambition. It could be anything.
Therefore, I want you to know that everyone has their But…
- “He’s a good guy, But… (he has 3 kids).”
- “He has a good job and a good head on his shoulders, But… (he never makes time for you).”
- “He is everything I’ve been looking for, But …(if only he wasn’t so controlling).
Every one of us, even you have your But. The exception that makes someone think twice before saying “I do”.
Nonetheless, this is totally fine, because none of us are perfect. That’s just the reality we have to accept.
And when two are in pursuit of becoming one in terms of a relationship there’s going to be some discomfort and there’s going to be some things that will stand out to you that make you wonder if you are making the right decision.
About the Decision…
One thing you must acknowledge and come to terms with is if your partner never changes.
Whatever change that may be is something that they can struggle with for the rest of their life.
Yes we are hopeful, and yes we are full of prayer, but we are real. If they never change can you still love them and accept them as your partner forever in marriage?
You may be able to love and accept someone knowing you don’t have to live with them your whole life and raise a family with them.
Shoot at that point I can love and accept anyone.
But can you live with their flaws, unchanged? How about your unmet expectations. And still, be suffice with your choice?
I’m not saying don’t have faith.
What I’m saying is there is a reason why God killed off a generation of Israelites that were freed from Egypt so that they wouldn’t reach the promised land.
Clearly, they would not change their mentality and would not change their behavior and God allowed them to wander for 40 years instead of allowing them to reach their destination because of their inability to change.
Now I’m not here to discourage you. Part of the game is choosing the right person. Choosing someone who is obsessed with growth.
And obsessed with God, because God creates change in us (for those of us who are willing). His love allows us to be in a continual state of growth.
Hence, find someone who appreciates and respects self-reflection and takes responsibility for their actions.
Not someone who will make you feel guilty when you call out their flaws and challenge them to grow.
Iron sharpeneth iron.
Find someone willing to do the work and let them show you on a continual basis that they have the desire to change, not even for you but because they want to be better to do better.
Watch out for those who speak a good game but have nothing to show for it. They say their working on it, they hear your concerns but no change takes place.
And I want to be clear, with this level of expectation from your partner, you must be bringing the same heat. Working on improving yourself in the same fashion, striving toward an upward projection for your life.
At the end of the day you will tell your own story so write your script well my friend. Exercise wisdom in your relationships, it will save you a whole lot of heartache and trouble.
Until Next Time With Love,
